|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
What is Anger Management
Do you know what anger is. Have you felt it swell up inside you, whether as a fleeting
annoyance or as full-fledged rage.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of
control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your
personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel
as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.
The what, when, where, why and how of anger.
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury
and rage. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological
changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the
levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a
specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (waiting in line at a
market, someone cuts you off on the freeway, you do not get the promotion you felt
you deserved), or you could be angry because of personal problems, you could be
brooding goals you did not achieve or feeling life is not fair. Maybe memories of
traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.
Expressing Anger
There is a part of our brain that has developed over time that causes an instinctive
way to express anger, by being aggressive. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to
threats; This response is referred to as the fight or flight Response it inspires
powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to
defend ourselves when we are attacked or to run away from the danger. A certain
amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
But the days of running from predictors is over. Unfortunately Mother Nature has not
figured that out yet, so many continue to manage anger in the following ways:
- Physically lashing out at people or object that irritates or annoys us.
- Ignoring laws, or social norms that place limits on how far our anger can take
us.
- Holding grudges
- Getting even
People respond to anger using a variety of both conscious and unconscious
processes to deal with their angry feelings.
The three main approaches are:
- expressing
- suppressing
- and calming
Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the
healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you must learn to appropriately learn
how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting
others.
Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful
of yourself and others.
Anger can be held inside, but then it may come out inappropriately at the wrong
place, with the wrong people, at the wrong time.
When we are angry and hold it inside we try to stop thinking about it and focus on
something positive.
The goal is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive
behavior. The danger in doing this, is that if anger isn't allowed outward, your anger
can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high
blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. Such as passive-aggressive
behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than
confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems continually hostile and cynical.
People who haven't learned to express anger in a positive way may be constantly
putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments.
For these type of people relationships are difficult to formulate.
The good news is, you can change how you respond, not just controlling your
outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower
your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.
The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the
physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or
the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control
your reactions.
There are many tests out there that can be performed to measure the degree of
one's anger. But people who have anger problems already know it. There anger
usually has caused some type of disturbance in their relationships, work life, or has
created legal issues for them. If this is the case, you may be better off seeking out
ways to better control your anger.
Now, some people get angry more easily and more intensely than the average
person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular
ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always
curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.
People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low
tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be
subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in
stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for
example, being corrected for a minor mistake.
We don't know what makes people this way. Some scientists believe some people
are just born pissed off. Some say it may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded
as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other
emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or
channel it constructively.
Some science has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people
who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not
skilled at emotional communications.
I
So how do we handle our anger?
Do we just go ahead and let it rip? Researchers now say that this is a dangerous
myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found
that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does
nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.
It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies
to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.
Therefore, if you can identify with the information you have just read. Than anger
management would probably benefit you and those around you . If you are interested
in discussing this, or making an appointment feel free to contact me at:
480-250-1857 or e-mail me at michaelharmon@cox.net.
|
|
|
|
|
Specializing In Marriage and Relationship Counseling In Scottsdale, AZ
|
|