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How to re-create the spark in your marriage
Do you remember when you first met your partner? Was your heart pounding, did you get
butterfly’s in your stomach? Did you feel swept off your feet? Remember those times you waited
for calls from your beloved, you couldn't’t wait to talk. Is that spark still there, or is it now missing?
Are you feeling something seems to have disappeared?
What has disappeared is the magic, what you are left with is the daily grind. The job, the house,
the kids, the bills, the in laws and on and on. If you are still talking you are in a positive light. This
means things can change. You can recreate that spark. If you are not talking and communication
has ceased to exist, you are going to need to revive it.
John Gottman, the foremost authority in what makes marriages work, states that the couple needs
to turn inward toward each other, not away from each other. I would also add that they do not
need to turn against each other. What makes the marriage great is if you can come home from a
terrible day and know you have someone that genuinely cares about your feelings and
frustrations. Someone that can help to comfort you.
Sparks can be relight. It takes making an effort, being willing to forgive, being willing to listen and
starting to bring fun back into the relationship. In order to recreate that spark there must be
positive experiences to anchor to. When was the last time the two of you were out on a date? If
you look for the spark in someone else, you may get burned. The grass is usually not greener on
the other side. Everyone comes with their set of baggage from the past and their family. If you are
not able to recreate the spark on your own, seek out marriage counseling –even if you do it
alone- it can make a positive difference in your marriage.
For further information, feel free to contact me at 480-250-1857
or e-mail me at michaelharmon@cox.net
Safe Journey Counseling PLLC